Friday, September 27, 2013

My Buddy Wayne part 1 of ?

Whenever I start to feel sorry for myself, or experience one of those FML (fuck my life moments) there is always one sure thing that always cheers me up...  It's my buddy Wayne.  Wayne has the uncanny ability to laugh at himself which is a quality that I admire and I try to emulate.

Let's flashback to intermediate school where I first met Wayne.  At that time Wayne was one of the taller kids in the sixth grade, (second only to the human tic-tac-toe board B.McGowen) but sadly enough, Wayne hasn't grown since...

Pubescent Wayne has yet to reach full puberty, which explains a lot of his shortcomings. With puberty comes the acne, the raging hormones, the extra testosterone,  and the undeveloped frontal lobe. What sane person teaches his female dog named Precious to hump somebodies leg on command. Noooo...Not sit and shake hands or attack but "come on Precious... hump..." but that fails in comparison to being chased around the basketball court fearing that if you tripped you would have a penis in your face...

Having Ranging Hormones also inhibits his ability to select whom he should date...  ( More on the raging hormones later...)

Fast Forward a few years ( Yes Wayne is still the same height) During High School football practice, Wayne was hit hard! As Wayne lay dazed staring skyward, panic set in amongst the other players as Wayne started to bleed profusely.
Player:"Coach, Coach... Wayne is bleeding"
Coach: "Give him room... you Okay Hashimoto?"
Wayne: "I'm Okay Coach..."
Coach: "You're bleeding pretty bad... apply pressure to your chin."
Me: Assessing the situation..."Meh... Coach, I think the chin strap just popped his ZIT."
Coach: "Oh Yeah...  Get back in there Hashimoto"

Side Note: Do I feel bad making fun of Wayne? Um, No!  What kind of friend sells me an amphibian surfboard aptly name "Toad"  The first time I took it in the water, it had so many dings in it almost sank hence the amphibian status,  it surfs better on the land!