Sunday, May 12, 2013

My ego's

Leggo my egos...
Now that you met my Id and Super Ego, let me introduce you to my egos. The rational balance between the two... I actually have two egos in my life one male and one female.

My female ego would be my buddy Wendy.  She is the closet thing I have to a sister and is always there to offer a female perspective to any of life's challenges. Why would I have a female ego and what's in it for her?...Perhaps Wendy feels indebted to me for her having any social life at all.... here is my perception of Wendy B.K (BEFORE KEVIN).  Thick glasses, androgynous body covered up by baggy clothes.  She was nerdy cool before nerdy was even in...  Initially she was was quiet and reserved but soon came out of her shell and became "one of the boys".  She would even piss on the side of the road like the rest of us...  Of course the down side of that is that her parents literally blame me for her being "unlady like".  Hey, isn't that their job?
Being one of the boys had it's benefits too... ( no, not that kind of benefits...) She was initiated into our-drink across the police station- scale the public pool wall - then go skinny dipping club. Of course with Bruddah Wayne helping her over the wall she was practically ready to go skinny dipping anyway. (Just saying)  A fun drunk... Wens is not! I had to save her non-butt many a times when she gets overly flirtatious with men. (But then again, that is how she met her hubby, the then bouncer at World Cafe... ) Where's Cliff?  I want to dance with Cliff... Where's Reggie?  I want to dance with Reggie is Wens battle cry that can be heard throughout the room. The solution to handle drunk Wendy? Give her more to drink of course- she then gets sick and nauseous and what better turn off for men then to see a stumbling drunk Wendy....
Of course when she is sober she is a really good teacher that her students love and respect... I had the privilege to work professionally with Wendy and I once asked her kindergarten student who his teacher was, and his response was "Ms. T , the witch!" enough said. 
So I know the question is what was Wendy like PK (Post Kevin)  so here is my perception of her PK. Nerd Chic!

Then there is my boy, Sheldon...  As innocent as Sheldon may seem, he (like the Id) was the instigator to a lot of the trouble we could have gotten into. To get a perspective of what Sheldon was like, he was voted the shortest boy in our Freshman class and Dr. Tracy (Id) then diagnosed Sheldon with Marfan disease which explained his rapid growth, lanky limbs and his fluorescent penis (I think that was from the marfan meds). 
I can remember two incidents where Shel was the instigator to making someone cry...  the first was to have Glenn straddle the monkey bars, tie his shoes to the ends and then pull vigorously on his limbs.  (Glenn was our friend because he could drive before the rest of us... I don't know what little Sheldon had against Glenn, but in hind site I should have stood up to his bullying - Ummm nah)  As we grew older, Sheldon then created the game "Dark Shadows" in which we would tell Glenn we are playing hide and seek and we would then jump in our cars and run away from Glenn. 
The other incident the Id just reminded me of, I'm not sure if it was the Id's idea or Shel's....  The idea was simple, we drive past a classmates house (whom was not in short supply of self image but needed to view herself in something other than her magical mirror- perhaps a mirror with a wide angle) and on the count of three we all would yell "I love you Carrie".  Sounds like fun? Well just to let you know what kind of friends I have...  we drove past ( in my car) counted to three and then I yelled , "I love you Carrie..." Mother Fuckers set me up! My car, My voice.... needless to say, the next day I was asked if I drove past her House! Mother Fuckers!!!  Let me tell you I literally died from embarrassment and now cry myself to sleep ever since. 

Bachi is when the bad things that you do come back to you bite you. bachi ga ataru Sheldon!!! Shel grew up with pets that were hilarious... one dog literally dug his own grave, one dog was allergic to fleas and one dog was deaf.
Side note: What do you call a deaf dog? Answer: It doesn't matter because he won't come anyway...

According to Frued, the Ego is the one that controls the Id.... I know this is the case as I recall walking down the Las Vegas strip in 50 degree weather...
Sheldon to Tracy: What time is it?
Tracy takes his hands out of his fleece lined jacket...
Tracy: 2:30, how come... did you forget your watch?
Sheldon:  No, I just didn't want to get my hands cold...
Tracy: You fucka... 

My egos are my rational voice and is someone whom I can always turn to if I need advice or an honest opinion... and won't think I am suicidal...
then there is my buddy Wayne, whom I can always count on to make me laugh when i have one of those FML (Fuck my life) moments... stay tuned